Within what I write here I will be telling a story about parts of my life, which deeply affected me as a person but it has made me so much stronger as time goes by.
No one person that came from a broken family is the same.
A broken family doesn’t just mean divorce, it could be a death, abuse or even neglect.
With me, it was divorce and neglect, my parents separated when I was just 5 years old, sometimes I wish they were together longer but as I grew up I knew it wasn’t healthy. I still remember the day clearly when he left, he dropped me off at infant school and then when I came home everything was gone, the TV was the only thing I was stressed about, I couldn’t watch TV for a good few weeks, but the turmoil we were left in was unbearable! I’m good at hiding emotion but when it’s my time to cry, lord of mercy I will cry.
It’s been 14 years since the divorce and it still affects me deeply till this day, I have no trust whatsoever some words people say I hate it, like “I promise” these two words bug the hell out of me because they’re not true, imagine being told that you’ll be picked up at 7 pm Saturday night having your bags packed waiting by the window and hours and hours go by then no one turns up, not even a phone call saying sorry, most weekends I’ll go to bed crying, hurting and most importantly disappointed.
From the age of 5 to about 14 I would find some hope that I would go to my dad’s but 99% out of 100% I was let down, don’t get me wrong I saw him on an odd occasion here and there but not enough that’s where I felt neglected. The other words that got to me were ” I’ll never let you down” Well them words went soaring out the window because I was let down continuously it was like a washing machine cycle just going around and around with no off button.
Because of this, when other people say these words it goes over my head and into the bin.
When I write these blogs I have to come with 100% facts, so this is what I’ve done.
- Children from broken families are 5 times more likely to suffer from damaging mental health problems.
- Children brought up by a singular parent rather than a duo are more likely to do badly at school, poor health, crime, addiction, and poverty.
- One in three children lives with a single parent and a step parent.
From when the divorced happened to years later I was emotionally distraught and distressed. I was happy with my friends I used to drum into my head that it was an ‘act’ but it wasn’t I was generally happy, but coming home was like a rollercoaster it had its highs and its lows.
Normally I would sit in my room, read books or normally sit there and think why me? Why not someone else? But I would never like anyone to have this situation however it happens, it really does because its reality and reality really did hit me fast. All of this made me feel heartless I don’t know how but it just did, I’m affectionate when I want to give it, like a cat really but I can turn heartless in a few seconds.
The one quote I see all the time and I mean like 20 times a day is ” My dad broke my heart way before any man had a chance to” is literally something I live and preach because it’s true he broke it, stomped on it and stressed me to a point where I couldn’t do it, it’s at that stage that I don’t know what love is, I have no idea.
When I was growing up I remember someone saying to me ” I wish my parents divorced” just know when I heard this my mood flipped, as usual, I was just highly disgusted, a few minor arguments here and there shouldn’t route out in a separation, for the parents from my point of view it looked easy but honestly I could tell it was difficult. Being a child you really don’t have a say in your parent’s marriage, but who am I to question? But who are you to say they should divorce?
Being in broken home results in a lot of things, such as:
- Find it hard to trust
- Avoid conversations
- Very independent
- Arguments are either emotional or we shut down
- Going home
- Compassionate towards others
- We bully ourselves
- Difficult to express our own emotions
- Read people like a book
- Selectively social
- Hate Tension
- Strive to succeed
I find it extremely difficult to trust someone, I’ll say “I trust you” so easily but really I’m watching you and your movements because I’m really not stupid.
Sometimes I like to talk about myself in a positive manner but when the conversation gets deep I’ll either stay and chat for a few seconds then go, or if it’s a text I’ll just ignore your reply and go about my business.
I’m very independent and always have been, I like doing things for myself, I like getting credit for things I’ve done myself because then I’ll be noticed for a good few minutes, I rarely ask for help I’ll rather suffer in silence then ask for a second opinion it’s just not me never has been, never will be.
Well well well…if you’ve been in an argument with me you’ll know exactly how I’m like I’ll argue back with fire then when the opposite person starts talking I automatically get bored because I hear the same rubbish day in, day out. Once you’ve said something once, then once is enough don’t repeat yourself, I don’t want or need to hear it again. Once I’m bored in an argument my three favourite words come to life “I don’t care” these three words honestly rattle people because they’ll be out here writing paragraphs like they’ve scripted high school musical and then I’ll be there with the same dead replies.
I knew what vulnerability was from young, seeing someone throw stones at a glass house and just watching it shatter into a million pieces, once something is broken it can not be fixed.
Sometimes I hated going home but sometimes I didn’t like the people I was with so I’d magically make up a curfew, I’d like staying out just for the fact that I didn’t want to go home and deal with bullshit, I’d go home, eat, bathe then straight to bed it is what it is.
I’m highly compassionate towards other people if I care about you and I tell you I CARE about you just believe it don’t question my loyalty, I’m one of them people you can talk to in person but I’ll have to reply on text, weird? I know.
We bully ourselves well I do, I thought the whole divorce was my fault right at the start but I grew up told myself “Fix up” things slowly started getting better.
I find it very difficult to express my own emotions like it will get to a point where people say, “tell me” like it’s a national gossiping competition, honestly I’ll tell you to shut up.
Honestly, I can read people like a book not in the way where you look them up and down, but the emotions on your face, body posture, the way you explain things, sometimes you can just tell.
Selectively social that’s one thing I disagree on because I can vibe with everyone and anyone if you give off a bad aura I’m out.
I’m overprotective up to a point if I give you advice I’m giving it from the bottom of my heart, if you choose not to listen then go about your business, and don’t come back to me with the same scenario because I’ll dead it there and then.
Within family, I hate tension, with friends I really do not care.
Strive to succeed my favorite one, I failed a few GCSE’s I passed someone, went to college for two years passed the first year, walked out the second year with a diploma, the whole way through college I got told I wouldn’t get anywhere in life, I understand why never really went in, I messed around but I wasn’t dumb I got my assignments done on time, anyways two years later I’m on my way to setting up my own business within networking, have a successful blog I always have positive people around me, life is going sweet!
This goes back to the start of my blog “It has has made me so much stronger as time goes by”
Looking back at things it’s been hard but it has been a worthwhile journey so far, if my past didn’t happen I don’t think my future would have.
Hey, before I end this, don’t get it twisted my dad has pulled through at my times in need like when I’ve been stranded in London, but we clash a lot and hardly talk, he’s not a bad person but he shouldn’t have had kids, in my opinion, I believe if you don’t know the responsibilities of having a child don’t put them through the pain of growing up and constantly thinking if it was their fault or not.
Read and read carefully.
Everyone home, situation, and person are different, this is my outcome of how I turned out, but there are other people suffering from a broken home it’s not easy at all, it hurts a lot but it depends on how you are as a person. I believe fully that it’s never the child’s fault, you’re a child live life to the fullest if your parents can’t be together that is up to them and unfortunately, you have to suffer just like the rest of us, however don’t feel like you’re alone talk to someone a close friend, family or even a counsellor, I wouldn’t recommend one of them though because they act like they know your life story in one session but that’s just me.
I don’t like a helping hand personally but I love helping others, so if you need someone to talk to, don’t be afraid to message me I might look like a bitch but I’m friendly.
I’m not entirely sure this makes sense as I wrote this, this morning at 3 am but it looks ok.
Hope everyone enjoyed my 5* X-Factor sob story