GOODBYE 2018||TWITTER EDITION

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*There are videos/memes in this page I apologise if you don’t see them, but I will post all videos in a thread below this post on Twitter unless you’re using a laptop they’ll 100% show up*

*DISCLAIMER* 

I am not here to draw anyone out, but if worse comes to worst then that’s your personal problem💖

The time has come for the Twitter 2018 breakdown, from what’s happened in January straight through to December and it’s been one hell of a year, personally, I haven’t seen anything like it since 2012/2013 days I was there live in the flesh on Twitter watching shots fly, anyone could get it even the people in your bio that was dead or in prison, ‘SK’s world♥’I was seeing things fly around and you don’t even have to be involved ANYONE can get it, back then you could say anything (no cap) and Twitter HQ would be like ” yeah we’ll let that fly” minus the Twitter Purge, because??? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? but now we in 2018 yoooo accounts were getting locked off left, right and centre, it was a tragic few days on the timeline, saw some of my favourite accounts disperse, saw them come back to stay for a few hours and back in twitter jail they went, whewwww chile the ghetto. 

Hope Y’all have popcorn, dabble of wray & nephews, a fat blunt and ready to ride out.

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JANUARY

In January we had an internet sensation pop up on our timeline ‘Nusret Gökçe’ also known as salt bae, who knew to flick your wrist with salt in your hand over a piece of meat could really make you a viral sensation.

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To me, January was a very boring month seeing that same video circulate day in day out, we really do make useless people famous, if someone told me that all I had to do was sprinkle salt over the meat and let the video marinate for a few days and I’ll wake up to 5.6 million views, a better life and Elizabeth doing stupidness in my bank account, I would’ve gone viral years ago (sigh I lied).

SALTBAE WAS 2017, I MUST’VE BEEN HIGH TYPING THIS WHEN I STARTED I APOLOGISE.

But to be honest I only heard about him this year…

 

 

FEBRUARY

On February 9th, Nike released their iconic advert ‘Nothing beats a Londoner’ in my opinion that advert was the best advert to represent London, culture on point, representation has gone clear, credible UK music personalities, sports features, a 3-minute film caught everything.

The campaign supports young unknown sports wannabe’s picked from local sports and clubs and shows us the trails they’re going through to get to where they want to be.

There are a few unknown faces that were shown for example @Boss_Darnz was selected in the advert as Nike noticed his ‘analytics’ around his social media profiles.

Even though his time on screen was limited, he still managed to have his face up in the Nike flagship store on Oxford Street and let me tell you that’s a big achievement, to have your face in the biggest Nike store in the world.

I’m telling y’all now, your Twitter analytics matter, your social presence matters, if you want something bad enough you’ll either get noticed or you’ll go and grab the opportunity yourself.

Celebrity Features: 

Gareth Southgate 

Harry Kane 

Eden Hazard 

Skepta 

Micheal Dapaah 

Rio Ferdinand

Mo Farah

Alex Iwobi

Kurupt FM

Giggs

J-Hus (3 my guy♥)

Jorja Smith

Dave 

AJ Tracey 

+ many more

Can we just deep for a minute that in a 3-minute 9-second advert, there were over 30+ known faces, 14 different locations across London , 258 athletes, a few unknown kids striving for their dream all filmed, edited, music added in such a short space of time, but let’s not forget we got the few odd cry babies that screamed and shouted that the video wasn’t diverse enough, from what I saw a lot of Asians blamed the black community for the lack of diversity as if we were the ones that created the campaign, weird flex but ok. 

“It seems like people are either black or white in London” tweeted by @KalpeshR 

Honestly, who did you want to be added into the advert? Steel Banglez? Jay Sean? 

Whewwwww chile this day you really saw people’s internalised racism jump the fuck out like a clown, once it was out there was really no putting it back, some of you were going back and forth like feral animals, anyways what’s my own.

February 21st (BRIT AWARDS) The only person I rewinded, played and repeated was Stormzy’s performance, fuck the rest of Y’all, STORMZY used his performance for the better, called out Theresa May out over the Grenfell Tower monstrosity, the same pRiMe mInIsTeR promising all these promises on Brexit is the same prime minister that said people in Grenfell will be rehoused before Christmas 2017, when I say Brexit is fucked it’s FUCKED. Stormzy’s exact sentences sent shivers down my spine, the vim in his voice, integrity in his face, yoooo my man said “Yo Theresa May, where’s the money for Grenfell, what? You just thought we forgot about Grenfell’ The support he got from what he said was immense, properly warmed my heart♥

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If you still don’t know about Grenfell, Please click here.

This is where everything gets extra juicy…

MARCH 

Leicester, Leicester…LEICESTER

Well well well, March the best month of the year because it’s my birthday month, but this year it was literally the shittest, thank you poobae wherever you are, THANKS! Shitting on someone’s doorstep is beyond me, but actually pushing your trousers down to show your bum, squat and then shit on someone’s doorstep, that’s just all a bit of a sickness within itself, and it didn’t even look like normal shit, some of you university students eat normally, cooked food all the time, and then we get those slobs that go to the half-price man for pizza every day, the poo actually looked like vomit.

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The year really starts here for the TL, because Y’all really started this off, all I wanna know is, who is POOBAE? Deep it! That is someone’s friend, maybe even someone’s misses, someone’s daughter, niece even and that is what you’re doing in the jungle of Leicester, the city where someone’s friends, friend knows someone that knows YOU! Whewww how embarrassing not that embarrassing cause apparently no one knows the culprit, bet someone who’s reading this does though.

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Poobae literally had zero shame, like in a lit up corridor, like…like? How were you not scared that anyone would’ve walked past? How did you not know that my guy’s house doorstep you shitted on that he wasn’t going to come out all within those 2 minutes? Why didn’t you think in your useless mind that their might be cameras about? Why didn’t you think that this could make you viral without you actually going viral because clearly, no one knows who this girl is, sigh one day the truth will come out. 

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And Leicester again, every time I hear about Leicester (Jungle) it’s never anything good, a video always comes out, a fight is always happening, a lot of the motives get locked off and then I see the same continuous people tweet it’s going to be ‘LoCk3d off.

LISTEN TO YOUR MATES BECAUSE SOME OF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE AT EVENTS

Whoever knows the person, when your ready let us US as in everyone, who that was, cause wheww Leicester stinks but 10X more now, that there’s shit down the corridors.

Also just because you live in ‘eXPenSiVE’ accommodation doesn’t mean this can’t happen to you (oooo is that shade) IMO 

For those that have seen the video, shall we have catchup to the feral animal that strolls around campus…

For those that haven’t seen the video here you go: 

 

How can you continue living happily, knowing you pooed on my man’s doorstep, what a terrible life..like some girls are mad, but this just topped everything! Man do you lot not know CCTV exists or? This girl has gone into hiding just like Madeline Mccann and I want them both to come out now, man I’m tired.

Please if you’ve never heard of Madeline Mccann, then bmt idk for you, but divert your energy here, if you’d like to know if not continue to scroll big man.

The fact that #poobae became a hashtag will forever make me laugh, I’m taking this one to the grave with me.

APRIL

The way I wish this month in 2018 never existed, not even this month just this person, of course, the whole TL must’ve seen Biskit whine upon his mother, his mumzy, his Marj, the woman that gave birth to him, sigh I wanted to rinse my eyes out with goose fat and make myself blinder than I am. Fammmm I could NOT believe my eyes, his mum must’ve been topic of WhatsApp group chat for weeks on end, never my yout, please. Omds let’s even watch the video again, please no one bring any more stupidness like this because brudda this isn’t it.

 

Please I’ll never forget the fraud he did, even shit fraud, I know him and Micheal (Fake Jamaican) Modern are related, both nigga’s got caught, absolute tomfoolery.

One got caught in his tracks to Paris, the man was queuing up to get checked in, what an L

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And the other one got caught out on Linkedin, sigh 

Anyways…

April really fucked up the drinks market in the UK, SUGAR TAX ON DRINK? I absolutely knew the UK was fucked as soon as my head came out the womb, but it’s gone way past that, dealing with Brexit, there’s even a playlist for Brexit on Spotify called ‘NOW! That’s what I call Brexit’ that’s just how you know no one in England is serious because even I have the playlist, it’s good to cry too when you don’t know what outcome your country is going to, Y’all cry over men and women, I cry because fredo’s went from 5p to 30p just by me blinking, also crying because Fredo probably stacked up enough 30p’s to use Harrods as a corner shop. 

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My corner shop is Sainsbury’s, soon level up to Waitrose though, God has got me.

I must also remind you that Jamie Oliver and his MP mates implemented sugar tax and Jamie Oliver and his fat self really fass up his self and created ‘jERk rICe’ I’m Caribbean and I’ve never in my life heard of Jerk rice in my entire life, been to the islands plenty of times never seen it on one menu, it’s not my culture he’s appropriating, stick to your bangers and mash, better yet drag your restaurants out of debt, small man like Jamie trying to be a big fish in a small pond, relocate.

MAY

I was shleep in this month.

JUNE

June really was THE month, World Cup and Love island all on for over a month, the switch over was timeless, from both aspects the TL moved with the times, love island brought together black twitter and fiat 500 twitter, probably the only time in the year the two got along, personally me I didn’t watch island heavily this year I watched the first two episodes and I really thought everyone was boring, if it was the 2017 love island lot on the 2018 episode it would’ve made more sense, but sigh instead of Kem and Chris we got josh, jack and dem man deya, they didn’t bring many thrills but you didn’t even need to watch to know what was going on, the tweets made it pretty clear I was tweeting like I was fully watching it, nah please I watched a few of the World Cup matches, I even tweeted about the World Cup like I watch football religiously I stopped watching football when I was like 13, since my team hasn’t won anything what’s the fucking point honestly. 

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2022 we go again. 

June even brought the heatwave, the heatwave that nearly killed us all, the heatwave that made you bitches so damn unappreciative, you lot were really saying ‘cAn’T wAiT tiLl wIntEr’ and look now winter is here you’re reversing it and saying ‘sUmMeR 2019 I’M rEadY’ Carnival 2018 was still lit but it made me want to cry because rain for fuck sake FOR FUCK SAKE I wear glasses uno I couldn’t see for most of the day, central line I almost died, central line is the worst line, next year I’m getting a hotel because I’ve had enough. 

Carnival yeah I got so high on Monday I walked from Nottinghill to Kilburn, WALKED.

I only realised because I noticed some places and I was thinking Nah man I actually didn’t walk that far, Y’ALL I checked my map I was in Kilburn, I was really burning. 

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47 MINUTES? YO 2019 carnival let me just stay sober on all accounts.

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WEST TO NORTHWEST, A WHOLE ME THAT IS AN UBER MERCHANT WALKED THAT FAR

Imagine if I drank alcohol on that day too, I would’ve flown there. 

‘BaLi i$ bA!T’ bmt idk how the TL got to this stage but apparently Bali is a bait location, you’re telling me a 20hr trip is bait, some of you think you’re so well known, you’re not, you probably saw a couple man/girls you follow and now calling it a bait location, you know what locations are bait, London, Birmingham, Leicester these trips are a few hours for some of us, but somewhere across the flipping map is bAiT, weirdos. 

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There are bigger issues to worry about like 14th June 2018, one year on from Grenfell, I’m not even going to talk too much on this situation because it’s way too close to my heart, click here if you don’t know about Grenfell yet, but remember what Theresa May said, that everyone would be rehoused by Christmas in 2017, we’re now at the end of 2018 and that promise still hasn’t been granted, it actually makes me sick, all the people that claimed they lived in Grenfell and didn’t, they frauded the whole system out of so much money, I hope they go to hell. 

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JULY

I don’t know what happened in this month uno, I was shleepin

AUGUST

August = A-level results day, my number one favourite month of the year, because honestly, I love seeing people doing well! 

I played my own trick on the TL as well, and some of you that shouldn’t have believed it did, which made me laugh harder than I already was, for those of you that don’t know I pretended for about two years that I went to DMU Leicester, it wasn’t just something I thought of a lot of people used to tell me they saw me on campus which was never true because I’ve never been Leicester in my life, so I decided to go along with it as well so I did the usual of putting LDN🔀DMU in my bio and told everyone I lived in a certain accommodation, I didn’t even tweet much about Leicester, let me drop what I did on the TL below & don’t forget to zoom in. 

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Anyways besides from that, the A-Level results I was seeing was ridiculous and then of course in true TL style Brompton Manor one of the top 6 academies in the country came and shelled down the TL, these lot are ridiculously talented and so so smart, sometimes I wish I was that academically talented but it is what it is, these lot truly deserve it. 

Hmmm what else happened in August of course carnival I mentioned it in the previous month, the usual Caribbean vs Africans, the usual cuss of soca, the usual ‘wHy cAn’t aFrObEaTS bE pLaYed’ the usual Caribbean people have no culture, yet it’s our street party you want to attend, Issa bit of a sticky one still, the usual bottom barrel men that can’t understand a whine is just a whine, we don’t want anything else, the usual you girls wear barely any clothes to carnival so you’ll get touched anyhow, yuck, the usual ‘cArnivAl iS geTtIng lOcked OfF’ every fucking year you lot come out with the same line, shut up man, anyways the usual…I think you lot get it now. 

August what a month. 

SEPTEMBER

Santoriniiiiiii bludclaaaat every day of September why were we seeing the same white walls, day in day out, white walls and calling Santorini bAiT aswell, honestly can you lot not just travel without saying ‘ I don’t want to go there because bare man have been’ anddd? Stay in miserable England then.

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 The topic of the TL on one certain day of September was just mad ‘Men paying for their girlfriends friends drinks on a night out’ I’m convinced some of your friends are broké, you want your man to buy your friends drinks and then the same you would probably be upset when you find out your man has cheated on you with one of your girls, like does your friends not work??? And you girls that go around clubs table hopping for alcohol are bottom barrel that’s so embarrassing, call me ‘pick me’ all you want, I cannot deal with broke behaviour, if you can’t afford something stay home, that’s what I do, I stay home more time I just don’t want to go, I just found the whole topic sad man, I just couldn’t, leaving your house without money and depending on other people absolutely not, there’s so much money to make and you’re out here damaging other people’s pockets for your benefit, yuck man.

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OCTOBER 

October was the month of just giving people clout for free by doing stupid things, fraudbae, loz and Ferdi all in one month, I low-key cried, everyone, deserves their bag but not this way, the only person that deserved their bag was OSH, my guy kept his energy throughout, loz Jesus you could tell she was getting tired from when she appeared on the radio and all the other daytime tv programmes, her voice, tone, melodies none of it was reciprocated after her Instagram video, like it was a bop like 10 times in a row, Ferdi yeah idk how he got a music video it literally makes 0 sense, but I blame you lot because I definitely didn’t entertain him, and MR fraudbae he milked it, man tried to make us believe he got signed to a record label??? He can’t even sing that was autotuned and self-belief, you lot changed your minds with him so quickly when it all came out you were backing the girl, then the girl got the video taken off of YouTube all of a sudden she was doing too much, LeT tHe mAn liVe ah Y’all really do like your agenda. 

I sharkew on the beat as well

 

MY YE IS DIFFERENT TO YOUR YEE

 

 

I would put a video of Ferdi but that guy doesn’t need anymore clout, I’VE HAD ENOUGH!

Y’all can have a picture though 

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This is the man you gassed up, loooool deekheads.

 

If y’all didn’t hear ‘imjustbait’ got his account locked off, I was screaminnnnnn one guy got his account locked off for copyright, some of you was crying like his bag is yours, some of y’all aka me showed no remorse, man does copyright every day and we’re meant to be okay with that, nah g 

 

NOVEMBER & DECEMBER

Let me be real I  wasn’t really active during these months, no matter what my screen time said, Apple needs to remove that feature because it makes me seem like an addict when that ain’t it.

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Besides that the arguments, I’ve seen from these two months, fuck the rest of the year these LAST TWO MONTHS, oh my God, when I ain’t tweeting I’m watching, I’m watching hard because Ion need to tweet every gaddamn day, and the way you can get involved in crossfire on Twitter, I’ve had my fair share this year, we go again next year!

APPARENTLY, people have been sleeping on floors at parties? 

£30 on food for a month? That’s your own

Y’all bringing the same retired topics to the TL, can girls and guys be just friends? Keep ya dick in ya pants, and keep the flirting at 0 then you can one hunna be friends.

I saw friendships go to shit in a matter of tweets

Y’all have an opinion then put unpopular in front of it, have your opinion and move brudda, the only thing that’s unpopular is you

People bringing their personal issues to the TL then cry when everyone gets involved? Common sense where hoe??

Black Twitter arguing all year ALL YEAR EVERYDAY, then asking each other ‘wHaT ParTY iSlAnd i$ EveRYoNe g0inG T0o’ 

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Screaming support black businesses yet you ask your mates for a discount, where’s the logic? 

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Following people but not liking them or what they tweet?

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I’ve seen a lot of bitterness this year, you want people to be successful but not ‘that’ successful

You flipping weirdo’s keep meeting people at events and want to come to the timeline and be like ‘Twitter do your thing’ why couldn’t you do your thing and secure the number while you were with them? Must we do everything!

Thanking brands when you bought their items with your own money?? Ok

Hating people that do fraud, yet you want half price dominoes, half price Canada goose?

Still wondering what doctor would call you and let you know you’re terminally ill?

Comparing spacnation to Greenleaf and wondering how they haven’t ended up on panorama?

Y’ALL Y’all Y’all, Sunday 23rd December, from midnight straight through till 7am the TL was popping so badly we were trending! Normally on nights like these, I would’ve been asleep but clever me must’ve predicted the future because I was really doing a night shift at work, so my phone was with me 24s! I saw everything from the Instagram lives to snapchat maps to look at Shoreditch back to twitter for the roundups, the tweets from everyone was HE-LARI-OUS, you see how people were saying earlier on in the year ‘yOu mAndEm aIn’T 3vEn fUnny l!kE that’ vice Versa for the girls, EVERYONE was funny, like at one point I was so close to wetting myself but I managed to get to the toilet just in time, Ivorian doll vs Renee, you see me I was on Renee side the whole time, because my girl was on crud, from when I saw my girl tying her shoes on Instagram live at like 2am in the morning, I knew she was ready to ride out, she was in the Uber-like 5 mins later, the whole time I was watching I was like ‘shit den’ she went from wherever she was to Shoreditch, girl offed her wig shouting ‘VANESSA WHERE ARE YEWWW’ I felt the integrity through my screen, my phone was even shaking probably my hands but whatever! I even saw man in the snapchats saying ‘she actually came’ huh? Keep up, it was definitely a dat ting when I saw people driving to Shoreditch just to witness beef, pls if I wasn’t at work I would’ve been onsight tew, Renee actually went out in the winter from what I saw a top on, even offed her wig from then I was like SHIT THIS IS SARIOUSSSSS STUFF, but quick question, where was the culprit once she got to said location???? Obviously now she wasn’t there, so next thing I saw R was in her next Uber to her estate, banging down doors that’s how real opps ride out when I saw she got into the flat LOOOOOOOOL, curtains but was my man there? No, sigh

One thing I don’t get is, Vanessa, put her address on snapchat and wasn’t expecting anyone to go to her, like? Make it make sense, not even your address your parents address, you see those mad antics there could never be me, first of all, I don’t fight, second of all I would’ve cleared out my bank account and gave Renee all my p’s because??? I ain’t trying to look in the mirror every day to see my ears where my mouth is, my mouth where my nose it, listen NO TENK YOU, God made me this way I ain’t trying to go through plastic surgery to correct it all

‘y0u dOn’t KnOw wHeRe I cAme FroM’ now the whole of snap, insta, twitter maybe even the Facebook oldies do too hun, I’d be so pissed spending all that time doing up Uber for you not to be found. 

And you Instagram mongrels we saw you making accounts to join in with us, you ain’t one of us, you’re not one of us, stay on Instagram and laugh 

Video Graphical Evidence my favourite

None of the videos is in order and frankly, I really don’t care.

Renee abeg if you want me to delete this @ me on a friendly ting, cause I’m even shaking typing this.

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This is really the December breakdown, including Ramz who caught a stray bullet I don’t know how, but let my guy secure his bag, one musician that hasn’t bothered anyone and you lot were talking about exposing sex tape if my man is gay, what’s your own? If he’s not that still ain’t our business, you people that create accounts just to draw someone out are dun out ere, it’s a sickness.

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*Small little update, but apparently a few men on the TL like their asses nyamed out and licked like a chicken bone, one little bird told me Omar likes it👀 each to their own to be honest, getting shitfaced in their own time👅*

TWITTER SCANDALS

One certain platform has been dropping me TEA, Y’all it was piping hot!

@UKTLTEA ARE THE FUCKING PLUGS✔

I’m only mentioning the TOP 11

  • POOBAE: Leicester Epidemic 
  • £380
  • Fraud Bae (New Money Records) LOOOOOL
  • Oloni triggered by under 25 Twitter with the Black Twitter edition video
  • Rentbae
  • London to Manny
  • Radar Radio 
  • Nunu vs Esther
  • 72 Hour Twitter argument 
  • Visabae
  • Renee Vs Vanessa

I’m finally at the end of my last blog of 2018, I’m not sure what you lot was expecting a draw out? Nah I’m good luv enjoy! 

*UPDATE*

This was never meant to be a draw out thing, but yooo Y’all wanted a Christmas day throwdown hopefully you’ve got it

2018 has been more negative for me than positive but I’m ready to spin that around and leave it all behind, and hopefully, Y’all can spin your negatives around as well , I’ve seen things about me on Twitter of course I have but more time I really don’t care what you nobodies have to say, I ‘ve seen disgusting comments from my so-called ex-friends and I wish y’all the best with that attitude, people always think they know you, no one knows me other than me and I learn things about me every day, besides you spiteful hoes, I’ve had a lot of mental breakdowns but I haven’t had one for nearly a month I’m kinda weirded out by it but also thankful to the most high up.

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If you follow me, I was going to quit blogging altogether at one stage but it’s one of the only things I’m good at apart from triggering the TL, you see me I’m sticking at it because in January ‘Teekstheblogger’ is three years old, I’m thankful for the hate because it can only make me stronger, the hate I got just because I was writing this was eye-opening got called jobless and all sorts but it was my career that made me late writing this, ok thanks.

I’ve got so many goals to reach next year and I’m reaching them all in Jesus name, after each goal I complete I’ll be poppin borrels, some people like to talk about their goals, me? No thanks, the evil eye is so real and I’ve never seen so much evil eye until this year, but you’ll know when I’ve completed them, just keep an eye out if you’re interested.

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The biggest thanks I have to give is to the people who continue to support me, gives me ideas on what to write, engages with my polls on social media, the constant pushes I get to continue what I do, I’ve reached statistics I never knew a person like me would reach, literally from the bottom of my heart my thanks and love will always be there and I’ll never forget who’s supported me♦

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2019

2019 really smells like money, there’s so much money to be made it’s ridiculous one day I want to be making stupid money but until then I’ll be doing laps for Lizzy until she chases me.

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Personally, I think 2019 will be a huge year for us all on here, believe in your dream and work for it.

Culture Shifting

Barrier-Breaking 

Making the impossible possible

We going harder next year!

2019, we move.

Teeks x

 

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