2020

2020 was a year like no other and I mean like no other because I’ve experienced things I thought I would never for example a global panoramic!

Thankfully I got to celebrate my 22nd birthday I wish I did more because I’m pretty sure I sat at home high listening to music I wish I lived it up more, but I don’t have a big abundance of friends like I used too and plus I wouldn’t of wanted to spend my birthday with fake hoes anyways, so by myself was a vibe but I should’ve lived it up more because I knew the country was locking down I just didn’t know when, but still I celebrated & that’s all that matters.

2020 has filled me with so much joy weirdly enough, I’ve had new people enter my life and never felt happiness like this before, you know them ones where you just have a constant smile on your face, small things would just make me happy, I’m so thankful for everyone that’s entered my life this year and the ones that have been with me for years and stayed.

I’ve dealt with a lot work wise, one thing I can say about me is that I work hard, I work myself into the ground, I work myself hard so I can get what I want in life, I don’t have a leaning post where I constantly lean and ask for help, one thing about me I don’t ask for help I’ll struggle and find my own solution because sometimes when you ask people for small favour you’ll be waiting so long, I could rebuild Timbuktu by the time they even start said favour, more time if I do it myself, I know I’ll get it done plus this is my journey I’m not trying to have people come to me with the lines ‘you wouldn’t have this if it weren’t for me’ I’m not with that, cause some people are just bitter bettys, and I don’t need a constant reminder of ‘you wouldn’t be in this position if it weren’t for me’.

A lot of the situations I’ve put myself in I’ve wanted to ask for help and there’s been one situation this year where I asked for help from someone in my family, they accepted then a few days later I backed out and said I no longer needed it & the only thing that is getting me through is

“If I’ve created this situation for myself, then I can get myself out and I will get myself out”

Many situations I’ve been in, I’ve got myself into, no one pushed me to do some of the things I’ve done, so me myself can get myself out

However with me I used to love helping people, keyword ‘used to’ but you’ll do some people favours or help them out monetarily and then a few months down the line they’ll act brand new and like they don’t wanna know you anymore, I’m not with that either so 2021 plus all the other years after that I’m just doing me and I will strive for greatness until I feel comfortable, I don’t want to be a billionaire, I don’t want crazy amounts of money I just want to be comfortable with a 100 bands (I want more than 100 bands it just sounded cool) in my bank account & that’s just me.

Continuing from work wise, I was with a company, went for a new job within the same company however it never took off because of coronavirus but I still had my original job, however as time went by I wanted a bigger challenge, I wanted to be pushed further and see what else I can pursue, so I applied for a new job, had an interview got the job the same day and quit my current one, I start on the 6th January and absolutely cannot wait, I’ll be working within high intensity rehabilitation already seems like a challenge.

I have so many goals for next year, but I’m going to start off with three, I’m not going to put a timescale on anything as time is no object to me, but I’ll put small objectives in place to make sure I get there effectively, I’ve never told anyone my goals except from the obvious one of me wanting to be on the property ladder one day, I’m in no rush to move out however I do wanna move out before or just around my 25th birthday, however any other goals or objectives I don’t speak about, I believe highly in bad mind people and evil eye and I’m just not with it, because if I tell my goals to someone, what will that achieve for me? I haven’t reached it, yet here I am splurging them out, my goals are for me and only me so when I reach a milestone maybe I might say maybe I won’t

And when I get a S/O then I’ll share my goals but only if it’s concrete

I’ve had a lot of time to think this year, and my head feels more levelled than it has in previous years maybe because I’m growing up and speaking less and listening more or engaging more and learning, idk though, but I have learnt a lot, I’ve been writing a lot more things down, I’ve been calculating things, I’ve been researching more and just trying to make myself be the person I’m destined to be, I’ve been spending less and saving more, I’ve been more stressed than ever, I’ve been ill for the entirety of 2020 and no one really ever knew, I mean a few people and family but literally no one because I don’t talk much and don’t plan to, talk is cheap most days and when I talk and people don’t understand even though I try to put it in different perspectives each time, after a while I do get bored and I’m not afraid to show it, I’m not afraid to talk my mind but with talking your mind you get obtuse people that literally want to wrong you in every way possible, but hey that’s just my life, keyword ‘my life’ so don’t be offended.

We’re now at the end of 2020 and I’m glad because it has been a tiresome year, however I’m still grateful each day when I open my eyes, I’m grateful to people who are around me and still put up with me till this day, not to say I’m hard work because I’m not, I’m very chill, chill not stupid, but as I leave 2020 I’m leaving a lot of things behind me, a lot of the things I’m leaving behind I should’ve done it a long time ago but as I don’t let many things affect me I just let some things carry on the path of destruction until I got bored and have to rectify them.

I know this blog may seem boring to you because it’s very empty, like I said I don’t talk much I don’t let people in much because what is the actual point? People say they care when they don’t care and I’ve said that to people too, not that I don’t care I’m always given a reason to not to and I’m completely fine with that, like you make your bed hun, you lie in it and don’t look to me for help

I’m still leaving 2020 with trauma and hurt and that’s still okay because I’m not ready to let go I’m not ready to ‘talk’ cause everything will not be alright, I’m not ready to ‘forgive and forget’ some people have damaged me far to much for me to even consider that an option, and forgiveness is not for everyone, some things cannot and will not be forgiven in this lifetime or the next I will drag it everywhere with me, because unfortunately this is my story and when I’m ready to let go I will but up and till then I will wallow not cry wallow, I don’t cry maybe when I have a bit of hay fever kicking around then maybe then, but any other time? Nah, funeral? Nope Babyshower? Nah wedding? Absolutely not, I cry about once a year and this year I have cried twice so I’m really exceeding my limit.

But now I’m going to leave 2020, leave 2020 and enter the following years as a better person each time, but a better person in my perspective and not anyone else’s, because you people do not pay my bills.

My head is set so straight for 2021 it’s unbelievable, I have a few things that you as my audience maybe interested in so feel free to follow my journey as and when I drop things, I’ve decided to come back to blogging because this is really my happy place. 

Amen, 2021 here I come