Dear Younger You…

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Dear younger you, 

                                The younger you nobody knew, not even a bird or a fly could ever discover your life, always figuring out who you were, where you were, why you were placed here and who you really wanted to be, but not even me the author could figure out that maze of a thought on my own. 

All about self discovering, learning about myself every minute of the day and in 20 years of being on this very earth the beginning of my journey has only just begun so many achievements I’ve made have helped pave the way, opportunities being flung my way, but darling, it wasn’t easy, nothing in life is ever one way, always twists and curves, but that’s okay because I’m about to make it in this life, and you can too, just believe in your craft, your sauce even. 

In and out of sleep, tossing and turning beating myself up over things I shouldn’t really be worried about, always saw people my age ahead of me and couldn’t figure out where I was going wrong, but things quickly puzzled together.

I was lost, felt entwined in the deadly jungle, through darkness I struggled, in light I fought,  but the light I was searching for it didn’t want to be found, and if something doesn’t want to be found why should I continue to search and kill myself over it, I’m not weak I’m infused like tea, the longer I’m in and the little tipple of milk added, light will be found. 

After years of self-doubt, things were starting to become so clear, clear as the water in the Caribbean Sea, I could take a glimpse and see clearly now the rain has gone, I could fight all the obstacles in my way. 

Social media is part of me, a big part of my career, the smart intellectuals out on the internet, it’s so fascinating, the great souls of intelligence, we have young Stephen Hawkings swooping in, we have the university fanatics, the college goers, the GCSEs takers, all bundled in too one, we have sharp, crafty, keen teens, ambitious adults learning and sharing their immense knowledge. 

God made each and every one of us individually took his time crafting, putting the smallest details in place, so articulate what a man to believe in, our creator, our best-friend, through the good times and even the bad, always a prayer a way to make our day, he our creator the greatest on earth. 

The abuse that has taken on generations beyond my belief, has now taken the 21st century by storm, Abuse is now being rectified and glamorised, amended for why? My brothers and sisters are physically and mentally wounded, blasts from the pasts taking over their futures, punctures in their souls, yet this behaviour is glamorized, the 50/50 world we live in, the pleasing but malicious world we found upon ourselves, but who’s to blame? 

XXX so fresh, so raw but when victims talk they’re instantly hushed when the supporters talk they can howl and screech, but when victims speak, why should we dim our experiences for you? R.kelly still free, George Zimmerman still breathing fresh air, a bit of fame and you are blown away, but what about the sufferers? Cuts so deep, we can see the bloodstream, bruises looking like rotten fruit, black eyes were hidden by shaded sky, crying out in pain, it’s such a shame, imagine being beaten black and blue, the authorities we trust, just dismiss us, but when it’s a celebrity, it’s a different story…

Our voices are effortlessly powerful, our expressions potent, our smiles gleeful, I used to get told to smile more in pictures. I strive for greatness, I exhale every breath as my last one, I acknowledge life intently each and every day, but guess what the devil wears Prada.

Clouded thoughts turned into uplifting dreams, the world is yours, pulverise, memorise and spread wisdom. 

Everywhere I’m doing the plug walk, I’m so into making it, from the lows to the ultimate kushy highs, from saying you got me intoxicated, from being mentally fucked, mentally scarred to meant to be up, from saying we don’t want no devils in the house we want the LORD, and the lord is who made me have the highest faiths, and he who made me, is who raised me, this is a God dream, this is everything. 

TEEKS 

X

Suicide Prevention Awareness Day.

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Suicide suicide, deep in my lungs

Suicide suicide, deep in my veins

Suicide suicide, on my mind, while I pray

Suicide suicide, deep in my brain

Suicide suicide, while I’m cutting away

Suicide suicide, I’m so done with you

Suicide suicide, where’s the way out?

I’m alone in a corner, all I know is lights out, 

No such thing as light at the end of the tunnel, 

It’s a never-ending darkness, I feel alone, scared even, 

Nothing in life is fair, I don’t even fear death I fear life. 

I leapt and sometimes I wish someone caught me

You joked I laughed hiding my cries in my voice

I fell apart and piece by piece you put me back together like a puzzle,

I whispered ‘tick-tock slow motion’ as I counted down 5,4,3,2,1 

My eyes flickered open I bellowed ‘I’VE HAD ENOUGH’

Why am I feeling hopeless, lifeless, like no one can help me?

I wish I could see clearly now the rain has gone, 

I have no tears left to cry,

I’ll probably self-destruct if I lose but I never do,

No one 079’s me, people say they know me from somewhere, but they never pick up their line to 079 me,

I got fake people showing fake love to me, straight up to my face,

Everyone tells me I’m self- centred, but they ain’t got a fucking clue.

Did you see what I did? Remixed bars with normal lines to come up with something quick! I was a distraught lifeless person then stepped up and became a better one, this death thing it isn’t for me nor you, our souls, our smiles, it’s irreplaceable.

You see this life, it’s what you make it, you only get one chance, it’s not easy but you have so much to live for, you don’t have anything to die for, your life will finish when it’s ready, speeding it up for what? For who? 

You! Yeah, I’m talking to you! Don’t let anyone think you’re less than a person, God gave you breath, he gave you a family, you wouldn’t be on this very earth if he didn’t want you to enjoy it and explore, I know you must be thinking ‘no one cares about me’ but believe me there are a lot of people out there who care about you, if you resist the urge to not end your life a day will come where you’ll think ‘I’m so glad I’m not dead and still here.

I’m 21 next year, if I committed suicide I wouldn’t have even reached 20. 

It happened to me and I’m glad I didn’t end it all when I had the chance, so many things have cropped up for me from that day forward, sometimes I still do have bad days, but I remember why I’m on this earth and it’s to live it my way how I want, I’m not here to impress anyone but myself.  

Help is within your control, if you want it you’ll take steps to get it. 

I’m not trying to say battling mental health is easy, because it’s the opposite of that, it’s extremely fucking hard, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but everyone has a chance of rebuilding the life they want, with help if they want it, I found most of my help within, I wanted it, I didn’t want to feel always depressed all the time, hiding indoors, it’ll end when you make steps. 

To the people who say “ I’m going to start checking on my friends today” what about all the other days, why today? 365 days in a year, 52 weeks in a year and today is the day you’ll want to check up on them, speaking to your friends or family isn’t a hard task, what if you are a day late from checking up on them? Who’s going to feel guilty? 

To check on someone takes a mere five minutes, you can save someone by just taking a few minutes out to see how they are, trust me. 

This is a very quick blog from me, hopefully, you can read in between the lines, no one deserves to die by suicide, mental health is a killer but we can stop this in due time.

You’re worth it, think before you act! 

Teeks x 

 

Mental Health Awareness Week

Mental Health Awareness Week!

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Mental health is something that affects me and a large majority of people around me as well.

Stigma is defined as a sign of disgrace or discredits, which sets a person apart from others.

Recently within the last 5 months (28th December 2017 – 6th May 2018), my life has spiralled out of control with problems that snuck up on me without my control.

My physical health has got so bad that my mental health has begun to get worse over time, I’ve had knee problems for nearly 3 years now, they didn’t hurt as much before but within the last 2 years they’ve got extremely bad, bad to a point where I had to quit my recent job over it as my managers didn’t believe me yet I provided evidence from physiotherapists, doctors letters, medication etc…it was a fight and a journey that really I began to realise you are only a number within these companies, these people didn’t care about me, I used to work 40-50 hour weeks always on my feet, breaks honestly I didn’t know what they was at all, I broke my back for people with no sympathy back.

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After I quit I was in talks with my physiotherapist and it was agreed that I needed rest and to do minimal exercise, I had a gym membership that I could no longer use, I’m still in the process of getting devices being put in my shoes to help me walk properly, I have crutches that I probably used once or twice that I should’ve been using every day but to be fair I hardly left my room, I didn’t open my blinds or curtains day in day out I was sat in darkness, the only light I got was artificial light from my television or phone screen, did I leave my house? Hardly, there was no point at all, if you have me on snapchat it probably looks like a different story to you, but honestly I hardly left my house, probably been to London 2/3 times, I’m normally their all the time, but I had no energy to go back and forth, honestly my mother told me not to leave the house without crutches (London + crutches= error 404) It doesn’t make sense, because honestly who had the time for London Underground and hospital equipment because it certainly wasn’t me!

My sleeping pattern is ridiculous I have sleep insomnia and sleep paralysis the worst combination since avocado on toast.

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Sleeping paralysis is the worst thing I’ve ever encountered, when I tell you I’ve seen things, been spoken to, touched, dragged down my bed, sometimes I fear to go to bed because I never know what will happen in my next episode, I used to get so frightened when it happened the first few times but now not so much, I don’t fight it because it’ll be over before you know it, but the things you encounter and see is just not normal, I believe in hell so much more now.

Before I started my recent new job on the 8th May 2018 I used to sleep at 4,5,6,7am even sometimes way later I’ll literally remove myself from the bed and sit downstairs and just stare into oblivion, then go back to bed try and sleep, no matter how much I slept it was never enough.

You must be thinking why are you talking about physical health when this is meant to be about mental health.

Physical health can deeply affect your mental health, being bed bound for 3 or so months was an extreme sport and ferociously boring, I never thought I’d get bored of my phone but I did, me and my Xbox fell out, I thought having all these gadgets would keep me entertained they absolutely did not, I was bored my friends were at work while I was at home, I lost small small bit of weight, while I lost weight I had a small episode of (I don’t know what) but my sugar levels dropped, I actually went out to get food Lord had me that day, because I was so close to fainting, my sugar levels dropping I thought I had anemia which apparently I do not, yet I wasn’t allowed to give blood and my sugar levels drop regularly also I have the sickle cell anemia trait yet no signs of sickle cell.

Okay, that’s enough about me, let me start talking about other issues with the mental health community!

Before I throw myself straight into it, something occurred on the Twitter timeline the other day, it actually scared me a lot.

 

I was on my timeline around 2/3am scrolling as I do, and I came across a tweet from one of my followers that I couldn’t just scroll past or I would’ve felt extra guilty for, the tweet was something like ‘I can’t do this anymore’ I was thinking hell to the no, so I messaged who it was yet I got zero response so I checked her followers to mine and found the mutuals we normally chat to on the timeline, I was asking around yet I got nothing, until a few people popped up and I managed to find her best friend through it, long story short the person  overdosed on a lot of tablets and thankfully one of her friends found out through Twitter and rushed over to her house and called the ambulance, her best friend was absolutely lovely kept me updated on the situation. The person who it was, was extremely ill for a few days but over time got better, it’s now been less than a month since this happened and the person who it was has flourished so much, bagged an amazing opportunity and I honestly wish them all the best in the future, their not a follower anymore more like a good friend.

This urges me whether you’re on social media or in person, check up on your friends at all costs, if something looks sketchy check in on them, I have much more information in my previous blog ‘Black and Asian Mental Health’ on how to reach out to your friends, family or associates.

Mental health glamorisation

Mental illness is hard to understand by this I mean if you haven’t experienced it yourself. Growing up I began to learn about mental health by seeing it around me, learning about it or even watching documentaries, that’s the only way I would’ve learnt, unfortunately you can experience it for yourself there’s more to mental health than depression, I always see on social media ‘oh I’m so depressed’ ‘I hate being depressed’ I’ve seen certain mental health illnesses trend online and not for the right reasons either, before you say your depressed do you actually know the meaning of what depression is, there are real people in this world who are suffering yet we have people jumping on the bandwagon saying they’re depressed, anxious, get panic attacks, schizophrenia etc.

A time when I saw mental health glamourised/romanticised was on the internet when I was around 12/13 years old, this was when Tumblr was popping back in the day to be fair I had a Tumblr account, still do but I have no idea how to use it at all, but while I had my account and became more affiliated with socials I saw a lot of illnesses spoken about or put in image view preferably in black and white.

Twitter is where I saw glamorisation for mental health grow on a large scale, people are drawn to people’s tragic stories, some people have supportive-friends or partners, viewers start to glorify this image and wish it upon themselves, everyone is extremely different you can’t wish an individuals needs on yourself, if life was so sweet none of this would exist, but unfortunately it does, and some people really need to learn to deal with it properly, don’t look to social media for the answers because more time it’s just opinions on here.

Growing up seeing all of this I certainly wasn’t enticed by anything getting shown, seeing scars admired like it was art, or seeing depression as cool, these illnesses eat away at people, on constant medication, in & out of counselling sessions.

Why was I seeing eating disorders idolised?

An eating disorder is when you have an unhealthy attitude towards food which can make you ill, it can involve eating too much or too little or even becoming too obsessed with your weight and body shape.

Anorexia nervosa: When you try to keep your weight as low as possible by hardly eating food

Bulimia: When you binge eat constantly in a short amount of time and then are deliberately sick to restrict yourself from gaining weight

BED (Binge eating disorder) When you regularly lose control of eating large portions until you feel uncomfortably full and guilty

It’s easy to idolise someone whether it be a celebrity, famous YouTuber, television personality, but you’re literally misinterpreting and fetishising someone’s illness.

I remember being at school in year 7 and being told I had a thigh gap and everyone wanted one, that was just apart of my figure, I never knew what the hype was with a gap within your thighs, I never had an eating disorder, but I always saw thigh gaps being worshipped in mental health videos, when people came up to me saying ‘ I wanna have a figure like you’ ‘ wow you’re so skinny’ ‘ You’re so lucky to be able to eat what you want’ honestly times it felt good but they were admiring something beyond my control, don’t get it wrong I love being skinny sometimes I wish I was a bit fatter (I’ll get there in due time)

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Stuff like this, it ain’t cute

Some of these mental illnesses need to be broken down for some people, depression isn’t a one-time feeling, it’s a constant battle.

Different types of depression:

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SAD ( Seasonal affective disorder)  Depression that usually not always occurs in winter

Dysthymia: Continuous mild depression that lasts more than two years, also called persistent depressive disorder or chronic depression

Prenatal Depression: Occurs during pregnancy

PND (Postnatal depression) occurs in weeks/months after becoming a parent, usually diagnosed in a woman but can affect men too

Depression summarised is a low mood that lasts for a long time and affects your everyday life.

In its mildest form depression can mean feeling low every now and again but it doesn’t stop you from leading a normal life but makes a few things harder to do.

Being sad once or a few times doesn’t necessarily mean your depressed, please for your state of mind get help, don’t self-diagnose yourself, it’s not fair on the people that go through this mental state of mind day in day out.

Other mental health illness meanings

GAD (Generalised anxiety disorder) A long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specified issue.

GAD is a common condition estimated to affect 5% of the UK population

Anxiety is common but it comes with a lot of physical/psychological impacts for example

Physical:

Rapid irregular heartbeat

Weakened muscles

Sweating

Dry mouth

Psychological:

Trouble sleeping

Feeling irritable

Loss of self-confidence

Anxiety can be in your genes, how you were brought up, life experiences etc …

Schizophrenia is a severe long-term mental health condition, doctors often describe schizophrenia as a type of psychosis, this means the person may not be able to distinguish their own thoughts from reality.

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Symptoms

Hallucinations: Hearing or seeing things that don’t exist

Delusions: Unusual beliefs not based on reality

Changes in behaviour

*Schizophrenia does not cause split personalities or violent behaviour*
The exact cause of schizophrenia is unknown

Suicide

Suicide is the act of intentionally causing death to one’s life.

Thousands of people end their lives each year by suicide

More than 6,000 suicides are recorded each year in the UK

Suicide is the leading cause of death among young people aged 20-34 years in the UK and is considerably higher in men.

One reason that men are more than likely to commit suicide is that they’re less likely to ask for help, unlike women.

The statistics for suicide is still highly stigmatised.

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Fuck that, the stigma within mental health is fucked overall.

Other mental health issues/illnesses/disorders

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Anger

Oppositional Defiant Disorder
A childhood disorder defined by hostile and defiant behaviour directed by adults 
Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD
A group of behavioural symptoms that include inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness, mainly diagnosed between the ages of 6-12 years old
Conduct Disorder
A range of antisocial behaviour displayed in children and adults
Psychotic Disorder
Severe mental disorders that cause abnormal thinking and perceptions
Bipolar Disorder
Previously known as manic depression, when your mood elevates then drops significantly
Paranoid & Narcissistic Disorder
Mental Disorder characterized by paranoia and a persuasive long-standing generalization of mistrust

Anxiety/Panic Attacks

Panic Disorder
An anxiety disorder characterized by reoccurring panic attacks
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
An anxiety disorder caused by traumatic and stressful events
Social Phobia
Social anxiety is the everlasting fear of interactions with people
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Common mental health disorder in which a person has obsessive & compulsive thoughts, it can develop at any age and affect all genders

BDD (Body Dysphoric disorder)

A mental disorder which you can't stop thinking about one or more flaw in your appearance

Dissociative Disorders

A condition that involves disruptions or breakdowns of memory, awareness, identity, or perception.

Drugs (Recreational & Alcohol)

Recreational drugs are substances people take to either feel better, have a pleasurable time, to fit in or see what it feels like

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Psychosis

 Characterized by an impaired relationship with reality.

Traumatic brain injuries, brain tumours, strokes, HIV and some brain diseases such as Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and dementia can sometimes cause psychosis.

Schizoaffective disorder

 A mental disorder diagnosed when symptoms of schizophrenia are present for a significant portion of the time within a one-month period

Tardive dyskinesia

A neurological syndrome characterized by repetitive, involuntary, purposeless movements caused by the long-term use of certain drugs called neuroleptics
* Drugs that can cause TD*
Metoclopramide (treats stomach problem called gastroparesis)Antidepressant drugs such as amitriptyline, fluoxetine, phenelzine, sertraline, trazodone.Antiparkinson drugs such as levodopa.Antiseizure drugs such as phenobarbital and phenytoin.
*Disclaimer*
There are many more illnesses/disorders but I wanted to show that there are many issues within the community that shouldn’t be stamped out.

MEN AND MENTAL HEALTH

I’ve always felt a certain way towards this particular topic with men and their mental health, I feel like it’s very secluded, from what I’ve seen not many men talk about their mental health and it’s quite disturbing.

I recently wrote a very short thread on Twitter in regards to ‘Men’s mental health’ and also received a few answers back thankfully enough, hopefully, this can summarise whatI’ve wanted to say.

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I remember very recently on ITV news 26/03/18 on top of the ITV building they unveiled sculptures of men, when I first saw it I didn’t understand the point until I read into it, they wanted to raise awareness around male suicide. Male suicide is the biggest killer with 75% of men under the age of 45. 

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Every single week in the UK, 84 men take their lives

Each sculpture that was on top of the ITV building, represented a real man that took their own life

12.5% of men in the UK are suffering from one of the common mental health disorders

Men are nearly 3 times more likely than women to become alcohol dependent

Men are less likely to access psychological therapies from a women

73% of adults who ‘go missing’ are men

87% of rough sleepers are men

Men have measurably lower access to the social support of friends, relatives and community

On average, 191,000 men a year report stress, depression or anxiety caused or made worse by work

In 2016 there were 5,668 suicides in Great Britain. Of the total number of suicides, 76% were males and 24% were females.

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When I saw all of these statistics I was quite startled, personally I think women over stereotype men way too much

 

I found a project to help young African Caribbean men between the ages of 15-25 called ‘up my street’ to build resilience or strength and helps them speak to each other and their families, with this project they will come to you whether you’re on the street or a youth centre. ‘Up my street’ has projected that they want young people to get the mental support they deserve and need in a flexible and informal way.

WOMAN AND MENTAL HEALTH

Woman are more likely to be treated for a mental health problem than men

About 25% of people who die by suicide are women.

The traditional roles for women from some ethnic groups living in the UK can increase their exposure to these risks.  

More women than men are the main carer for their children and they may care for other dependent relatives too 

Women are over-represented in low income, low-status jobs

Physical and sexual abuse of girls and women can have a long-term impact on their mental health

Recently I was looking through different organisations for mental health and came across @InsideoutUK_ I was really intrigued by this particular organisation I found it quite comforting that a young black woman named Vanessa Boachie founded and started up a tremendous project, I read one interview and one small sentence struck me ” Now her focus is maintaining the relationship she has with Black women but do more to reach out to black men, who she said do not speak out enough”

THE MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA

I’ve written about mental health in 3 of my previous blogs and never addressed ‘Stigma’ properly, now seems like the right time, as a Blogger I try to blog on as many important topics as I possibly can write and think off, I’ve worked within mental for three years and I partly feel like it’s my responsibility to keep raising awareness and to hopefully break the stigma. 

What do you mean?

It means showing people that having a mental health disorder/illness isn’t weird or erratic, it’s like watching the news or reading a headline where an individual has shot up a school or theatre and straight away labelled as ‘psycho’ or ‘crazy’ without the full situation being dealt with in an appropriate manner, I’m not saying doing any of those things are correct but individuals do not represent or portray everyone, a majority of people or even groups of people are labelled, for example black people are branded as ‘aggressive’ ‘animals’ ‘bitter’ as a young black woman I feel like a lot of people from other racial groups antagonize us and when we respond we are an issue, white Americans are labelled as ‘ill’ ‘mentally unstable’ as soon as they shoot someone, yet if it was a black or Asian individual we’d be locked up in an instant. It’s one rule for one and 60 rules for another until discrimination stops nothing will get better.

I’m still battling my mental health today, I have good days I have bad days, my moods still flip uncontrollably, I’ve agreed to get help on that. If you read my previous blog on ‘Black & Asian mental health’ I mentioned how I’ve tried to continuously overdose, from December to April I was trying a few more times but eventually gave up since the tablets kept on agreeing with me, I took a step back and I really looked at my life I decided to try and turn to God not heavily like going to church because that really isn’t me at all, but I looked at a few scriptures, looked online for prayers, I occassionally started praying for people again I didn’t start feeling better straight away that was just impossible but the clouds started clearing from over my head one step at a time, I started to leave my room and actually utilise my house, I think my mum could sense a difference in behaviour as she’d tell me to go out get fresh air but a few times I declined, normally I’m always out, come home when I want but after a while I started seeing some of my friends again, I’m one of those friends to people that I’ll help with your problems but also tell you a straight answer, I have a lot of time for people no matter who you are, for my friends that live round my area they always know my door is open to any problems, I like helping friends, associates, family etc…but I can never help myself. I’m learning to take a step back from other people and sometimes pick myself, it’s now May 17th and life is looking up, I feel in a much calmer, satisfying place I still have a lot of work to do physically and mentally but I whisper to myself at least 10 times a day “You can fucking do it” and I do I carry on.

I have my platform to share my experiences and so that others can feel comfortable to do so as well…

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I saw what Theresa posted on Twitter about mental health awareness week and it made me extremely angry, I don’t know how she found it in her right mind to speak on this issue when she has literally no right! Talking about end the stigma when the NHS has no money, we expect free healthcare yet we only have 147.7bn going into healthcare, we still have no final headcount from Grenfell, we now have people from that building suffering from all sorts of mental health issues, Grenfell could’ve been avoided. Black & Asian people are still finding discomfort in the system since we have no one that thoroughly understands us.

To be honest, you’re not crazy, don’t let anyone label you like that either, except that you’re different, everyone’s brain works different, growing up/livelihood was a whole different ballgame, I’m a blogger even a mental health advocate, I’ll never let anyone treat me any which way so you shouldn’t either! Nothing is wrong with having a mental health illness/disorder.

Some days I’ll be super happy, the mood I love to be in, and sometimes my mood will hit an all-time low, but I’ll remember I am who I am and no one can tell me any different

There are experts in the world, and they honestly do try their absolute hardest to get us diagnosed, a lot of them don’t get paid enough yet they still help, some diagnoses some of them completely miss the signs but you can always swap and change, and you never know the next one can find the problem and you can go to the next step

When I was younger I felt a lot of resentment, my parent’s divorce really hurt me but as I grew up and knew it was for the best, it took me a long time to move on from it, some things today still upset me, for a while I thought it was my fault but me being so young I knew damn well it wasn’t my issue.

When I got to year 7 I got bullied once by two people, it didn’t last long at all, I have two older brothers who are very protective of me, the whole bullying situation got shut down in minutes, but from year 7 to year 11 my behaviour spiralled out of control always getting in trouble, normal teenagers would pattern up by year 10, nope not with me I went on till year 11, my grades were still okay but if I focused when I was meant to instead of getting into arguments I would’ve got much further in life, but we live and we learn.

I didn’t get help for a very long time, more time I just thought those feelings would pass, I tried cutting myself once but it never went deep enough and I’m thankful it didn’t, I really love my skin and body and I just didn’t want it to look dismantled.

Now I continue to fight and debate most days, I want to educate, be involved in one way or another, one day I want to create my own educational platform, I’m living to help myself and others, I don’t want to leave this world not being remembered, If I can leave this world as a mental health educator or a mental health panellist I’d be extremely happy, it may seem like such small goals but when I say I love talking about mental health and raising awareness I mean it.

Believe in God and he will guide you

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I posted this on Twitter as I thought it would be a good place where people can tell their stories anonymously without being judged, thankfully I got 30 submissions all stories are different as everyone is a unique individual 

 

 

 

 

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If you’re wondering why they’ve numbered it so I wouldn’t lose them while uploading and also the order is important.

 

 

 

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I understand this is a lot to read, but you’re never alone with suffering, so many amazing stories of what people are going through and how they’re prospering, I understand not everyone who has written in has recovered but I have a few solutions on how I can help you and how you can help yourself.

ANXIETY UK: 03444 775 774

MIND (Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health issues): 0300 123 3393

NO PANIC (OCD & Panic Attacks): 0844 967 4848

OCD ACTION(Includes information on treatment): 0845 390 6232 

PAPYRUS (Young suicide prevention): 0800 068 4141

SAMARITANS: 116 123

SANE (Emotional Support): 0300 304 7000

RAPE CRISIS: 0808 802 9999

VICTIM SUPPORT: 0808 168 9111

EATING DISORDERS: (Adults):0808 801 0677 (Under 18’s):  0808 801 0711

MY 2ND NUMBER: 07710184765 (Text Messages Only)

*Disclaimer*
This is not my main number, but I’m always active on my phone if you want to send me a message and I’ll try my best to help you, in whatever situation you are in, however, if I receive any abuse I will block your number, I’m here to help only.

I’ve now come to the end of my mental health blog, in the near future I will be bringing out a platform solely based on mental health, I’ve had it as an idea for a while and I would love to bring it to life.

Always remember you are worth it, you are on this earth for a reason! Serve your purpose, you may think no one cares about you but you’ll be surprised who is looking out for you on a low.

One thing I’ve seen that sounded very true:

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Teeks X

The Grenfell Inferno

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On Wednesday, June 14th there was a fire that ripped through the Grenfell tower blocks in Ladbroke Grove West London. Ladbroke Grove is in the borough of Chelsea and Kensington the richest borough in all of London. Grenfell tower blocks construction started in 1972 and completed in 1974, 42 years later they decided to carry out a renovation costing 8.7 million pounds, what they spent the money on I really can’t work it out, they used plastic cladding on the outside of the building for what reason my brain really can’t get around it, they didn’t even fix the lifts, this building is 220 feet tall, there are disabled people within this living space that for some strange reason were put on every other floor apart from the first, if these lifts broke down how were they meant to get into their apartments? Because I hope no one expects a wheelchair to be lugged up all those stairs I think the fuck not.

I’ve done further digging into this building and found out that the original architect Nigel Whitbread said in 2016 that the tower had been designed with attention to strength and further in said that ” and from what I can see could last another one hundred years” as in the tower, we are in 2017 he said this last year, so in the next coming years the building was going to collapse or something was going to happen to it anyways sounds all a bit too fishy to me. There was originally two contractors for the refurbishment but because one price was £1.6 million higher the owners of the building decided to go for WITT UK in the hours of the fire WITT UK removed all references from the refurbishment from their website, they had been responsible for the smoke ventilation and extraction system fitted to the building during the refit, but it’s not just their fault clearly as the owner ‘Royal Borough of Chelsea and Kensington’ and also the landlords ‘Kensington and Chelsea Tenant Management Organisation’ are as of to blame, I’m pretty sure if contractors carry out a job you’re both meant to go back over them and find errors, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t do this, out of all the resistant materials in the world why on earth would you use plastic, no common sense and with no common sense we are calling justice.

I’ve heard so many different times that the fire started but if you was on the block and I get the time wrong please correct me, so it started at 1am or just a little before and the fire was still ablaze at 11:30pm a whole 22 hours later the fire was still not out, I also got two accounts of when the fire services arrived someone said 6 minutes after and someone said two hours after with my own initiative I really believe the two-hour account mainly because Ladbroke Grove is a deprived area these people as in the government don’t care about you I’m being 100 percent real they do not care, if this fire was in a middle or upper-class area the fire services would’ve been there in 5 minutes and the fire would’ve been out in 30 minutes let’s be honest. I commend the fire services for what they’ve done as I could never risk my life going into a burning building but they turned up late to a building that was burning incredibly fast, they didn’t turn up with the correct equipment, how can you not bring the correct equipment to a fire, and you call yourself a service, what service was you expecting to provide without the basic equipment, what I found extremely odd was that the fire services visited this estate on Saturday 10th June and went around to different apartments telling them how to act if a fire occurred, they were telling people to stay inside as the doors which were supposedly fire doors would hold the fire back long enough until they were rescued, fire doors can hold a fire back for about 30 minutes to 1 hour if they are installed correctly, how coincidental that a fire occurred 4 days later on the same estate, a woman even said that ” If I listened to the fire crew I wouldn’t of survived” Now isn’t this strange how can these people give such direct information out hoping to be protecting us and it was all lies, it’s like they didn’t want survivors they stopped looking for people at such an early time I was absolutely flabbergasted, giving this instruction to over 600 people whom these people have families to support and look after, for the people that issued out this ‘advice’ or ‘instructions’ you should feel disgraced, look how many people were screaming for help, trying everything in their power to stop what was happening, I’m sorry actually scrap that you had a poxy fire ladder that wasn’t even merely extendable to reach the higher floors, you had ridiculous squirts of water coming out of them hoses, those hoses should have been more powerful,there were no sprinklers throughout the whole building, hardly any fire alarms, the fire service should’ve been more prepared, but to the firemen and women that are actually giving us the truth about how many people have died the utmost respect for you.

A lot of people are saying this fire was an ‘accident’ it certainly was not an accident or a terrorist attack either, this was planned by the government when I heard that a fridge set fire to a whole 27 storeys I called bullshit straight away, yes it had faulty wiring but that man never knew and for the daily mail to plaster his photo all up in the media it was a very sickening move to make. The whole building had faulty electrics, residents would wake up to their plugs, lights, toasters smoking, they got so scared that they went straight to the council to report it, so they reported it and they got electricians out they same day who solved the problem, looking back now they didn’t do a very good job at all, how can a whole building have faulty electrics that is not humanely correct at all, this means this could’ve happened to anyone in the building and it wouldn’t of been their fault, it would’ve been the people that installed all the electrics and wiring into the building and that resides back on to the council since they are the owner and landlord of this property, what I fail to get my head around is for so many people to have ownage of a building and for it all to be incorrect, all these people were paying rent and council tax, rent for who? Council tax for who? They were living in a crumbling tower block, where was all their hard earned money going, when you had a chance to make an improvement with the money you did the complete opposite, the cladding was so cheap I want to know where the rest of the money went? And I want answers, 8.7 million got to be having a laugh ain’t ya, the cladding cost less than £100 and you put new windows in, for all of that for the whole building definitely under five thousand pounds probably even lower, so where is the rest of the money, I want to see a list of what you bought and where it was used around the building and why.

I woke up randomly at 2 am and felt a gist to go straight to Twitter as I did this and was scrolling for five minutes or maybe a little longer, I saw pictures from the fire and even videos of people screaming for help but these were media from people actually on Twitter nothing from the mainstream media which I found pretty odd because the recent attacks at London Bridge was on the TV and already in the newspapers straight away, you could see this fire from pretty much anywhere in London and smell the fumes from miles away, none of what was happening reached mainstream media till 4am, the blocks was on fire for three whole hours before the journalists decided to swoop out and come grab a story, children were screaming, crying saying they was going to die, they even alerted people by flicking the light switches on and off continuously for hours, when journalists turned up some of them purposely blocked the roads so ambulances couldn’t get down the street, a service that wanted to help the injured and escort away the dead bodies couldn’t even get proper access, the media and all the people involved within it absolutely disgust me, how can you continually lie about something and when we ask for the truth you want to stutter and act deaf, simple questions and you can’t answer, well at the end of this there will be a series of questions that I want to be answered and I know that everyone would want to be answered too. Twitter is the best platform for anything and everything but especially the news, without the people this wouldn’t have made it to the millions of people it did to alert everyone, these people that alerted people in the blocks, surrounding areas deserve a reporters degree they did so well, I woke up to actual people with their phones doing the work instead of big BBC news they did nothing, ITV news nothing.

QUESTIONS WE WANT TO BE ANSWERED

1. Why did you use cladding that was banned in the UK?

2. Why do you feel the need to continuously lie about the death poll?

3. Why were their bodies near the train tracks, instead of hospitals to be identified?

4. What do you think £5000 is going to do for the homeless families?

5. Why are you as the government not doing more to help?

6. Why did the media decide to plaster the man with the faulty fridge on the front page, knowing full well it was not his fault?

7. Regarding the banned cladding, was the overall design and materials tested and subsequently signed off by the relevant authorities? 

8. Why was there a helicopter circling the building, what was the initial purpose?

9. Why was it broadcasted on the news at 4 am in the morning, when it started at just before 1 am? 

10. What are you going to do for the victims, homeless families now? 

I’m so upset and more importantly lived by how this has been approached, it hurts that the people that are meant to help us fed us lies, they fed the people on the estate lies they’ve fed the whole country lies and the most antagonising thing is they keep lying, you don’t even get anything positive from doing it, now they’ve covered up everything like death count, how it started etc they’ve only gone and done it because London riots part 2 is officially sparked and boiling up in the process, I also don’t understand that the first riots was sparked by police lying along with the government with Mark Duggan who was 29 years old when he was shot and killed by the police they covered up everything until we as the people, public, community stood together and picked this case that the police built against him apart. Liars will never prosper and I hope their careers get ripped from them.

Furthermore, I’ve been following the ‘government’ we don’t even have one what is it day 11? No government, anyways while this inferno was going on our prime minister God forbid ‘Theresa May’ was in Paris watching football that’s beside the point but she was abroad, our country has been in turmoil before the elections and even worse after them, so I don’t know how she got to the conclusion of deserving a break, I know ‘hate’ is an extremely harsh word but better still I hate Theresa May and all of the Conservative party, they’ve done nothing but wreck and destroy this country it was bad anyways but they’ve made it ten times worse. When I heard that she was giving away five million pounds to the people affected I was vexed, first of all where in the hell was this money coming from? They claim the UK is in debt and she whips out five million first of all that is not enough money, Theresa May earns £143,000 annually, just over £11,000 monthly and nearly £3000 weekly and she’s trying to tell us that 5 million is fine that equates to £8000 per family, okay you should see where I’m going these families all lived in London clearly, rent in London is so overly expensive for no reason at all, if they was doing worthwhile with the rent money fair enough but their not, £8000 is like five to six months rent, while I don’t think Theresa understand what’s about the clothes that go on their backs, food in their stomachs, a roof over their heads that will actually be sustainable, electronic goods like the basics a TV or even a radio, these kids once upon a time had toys to play with, even worse I’m hearing they want to move these people out of London, you CAN’T do that I repeat you CAN NOT do that, you can’t usher up people and prop them down into unknown areas, this is not their fault, if anyone from conservative reads this or the council let me tell you something it’s your fault, you think it’s only murderers that can have blood on their hands, news flash you lot have it on your hands too and it’s twice as bad, you lot sentence people without a second thought, now it’s your turn.

Now further along the figures that you lot love to issue out as the ‘truth’ no way in hell is their 19 people dead, 27 storeys and you want to tell us 19, really what dimension do you lot live in, we are not stupid and you lot are clearly not intelligent, sitting in parliament all day every day discussing crap, discuss the real underlying issues in this country, that you love to call ‘Great’ Britain! There’s nothing great about it. TWENTY-SEVEN STOREYS and 19 dead? Are you completely mad? 600 families, we said lived in there, people went by on the train and saw body bags full of people inside them, the community doesn’t lie, we are talking about people’s families, people need to know whether they’re dead or alive, there are even firefighters on the scene who spoke and said that they’ve found 160 dead bodies and they hadn’t even gone above the 14th floor, the fourteenth floor with thirteen more to go, I even heard that the police said the bodies are too burnt to even recognise who it is, um hello not being rude, but newsflash times two it’s the 21st century we have all the technology in the world, and if you didn’t know already dental records, the outside of your teeth is harder than any other substance in the human body, that’s why your teeth can withstand temperatures of more than two thousand degrees, so let the lies keep on coming.

Another thing I find extremely difficult to get my head around is that a few residents from the building said they saw a helicopter circling the building while the tower was ablaze, I found no problem with this till I later came across that it was just circling continuously didn’t offer no aid of help to the poor souls stuck inside, okay I know a helicopter can’t get too close to smoke because the engine will just retaliate and collapse but the least it could of done was either try and save people or even have a hose attached to tackle the inferno from the top, in Australia they have forest fires all the time, in their case they have self-flying choppers and drones which use infrared and visible light cameras to pinpoint the fire, this is something the UK should invest in, because if this happens again I don’t even want to begin to think what will happen.

Technology is becoming so advanced I keep saying this ” More could’ve been done” Self-flying in itself is clever enough if an electronic can target with infrared sensors a fire, can you see how much that could’ve done for this situation and many situations before, this puts firefighters out of much danger as possible, people might be thinking then we will get this service cut out more, it maybe will but in big fires like this we could use drones, when the small fires come into play we can use fire trucks it’s less of a risk, Theresa May has cut the services this year by a stupendous amount between 2013 and 2014 3,146 firefighters were injured due to them risking their lives saving people, yet she’s cut this service which shows she’s clearly irresponsible to carry a country, actually the UK is hardly a country it’s an island.

It’s now day three of me writing this blog and I always watch the news just to see what lies they’ve thought about each day, but most importantly I listen to the people, I’ve watched the videos I’ve seen DJ Isla, Akala, Krept and Konan, Lilly Allen and many others talk about this situation, and of course I’ve seen the videos of the council get attacked, if you was there I applaud you really I do, because they deserve everything they get, as I’ve been writing this I’ve been talking back and forth on this with quite a few people, and many people know I’m writing this so they always bring me more sources and what they’ve found so I got shown something and when I read it my face literally dropped, furthermore there was a family that was in the fire and they luckily escaped here’s what I found outrageous the council told a family that they’ll put them in a hotel, instead they put them back in a tower block in another area, are they taking the piss? Tower block and a hotel? Where is there a resemblance?

Furthermore I’ve been looking over this area over the years as this is an area I’m very familiar with, I grew up around West and I’ve seen it change magnificently some good but some extremely bad the media keep saying how North Kensington is an extremely ‘deprived’ area, okay we get it, it is no need to keep saying it. However White City is literally around the corner different boroughs I know but Westfield is literally on our doorsteps they’ve dumped a big massive shopping centre in a ‘underprivileged’ area, some of you must be thinking and your point is? My point is that these councils did this intentionally to run people like us out, for example, shepherd bush market used to be bustling on the weekends now it’s pretty much departed, all our livelihoods are slowly disappearing this is what they want everything our grandparents and the older generations worked for its gone, Shepherd’s Bush Westfield and Stratford Westfield are completely different, Shepherd’s Bush has all these big names like ‘ Gucci, Armani, Hugo Boss, Burberry, Calvin Klein’ who in gods name can afford all of these luxury brands in a ‘deprived’ area not us that’s who, and because we can’t afford them that’s not good enough for them, because they’re losing out on a big sum of money, and that’s all they care about, money is the root of evil and always will, this greed people seem to have is not normal. I’ve seen family businesses knocked down as they increase the rent so they clearly can’t afford it, once it’s sold they’ll put a mainstream business in its place like a McDonald’s or Costa in its place I’ve seen so many just auctioned off I find it highly ridiculous and rude. London is just overly expensive and I’ve never seemed to figure out why in the next coming years probably about 10 – 15 years tower blocks will no longer exist within this I mean the old ones, they’ll issue people to move out once everyone’s out they’ll knock it down and build luxury apartments that no one apart from the wealthy can afford, funny isn’t it? That’s why I want you lot to fight with all your almighty strength to keep your livelihoods alive.

Hypothesis:

Time for me to sum up everything I’ve written, what’s happened I can’t even put into words how upset I am, but for the victims and for everyone that was there and lives close to the area you must be distraught and angry and most importantly broken of everything you’ve gone/ still going through. The government and council have failed you and everything you believed in, the authorities don’t want to help you at all and you can see they don’t by how they’re approaching this, they’re ignoring you like you’re nothing and you’re someone, our voices deserved to be heard and listened too we are a community and we’re not alone within this, the authorities are scared of us speaking out because you people of Grenfell know the full truth and no one can tell you that you’re lying. The government have blood on their hands and because they think they’re so powerful they also think no one can harm them which is so wrong because they have a lot to answer for and soon enough they’ll crack, lies get people nowhere and for these people meant to be running this country/ island whichever one they’re doing a ghastly job of it.

I’m still confused as to why Theresa May and Queen Elizabeth turned up because all they did was shake hands, have small talk and leave it was completely pointless in my eyes, the queen went back to her 775 room palace and Theresa went back to number 10 living comfy while 100’s of people were declared missing, dead and homeless, and plus Theresa was late her time was up as she wasn’t even in the country.

The firefighters even though you did many wrongs you also did a few rights by risking your lives and honestly I commend you for that, and I know a few firefighters that have given out the correct death toll instead of the incorrect one.

Jeremy Corbyn and Sadiq Khan honestly hats off to you, because you’re the only people in the government that have my full trust, as soon as you both heard about this tragedy you both wrote letters to the conservatives and also came down to the area straight away and was being real with people and showing actual emotions.

People of the U.K. clearly need to wake up, these people you vote for and they promise you all this shit, it’s not true they want your votes to continue to fuck things up, it’s not hurting them it’s hurting us, you all have voices start using them, do you really think the news tells the truth, I used to trust everything I read in the sun and daily mail all the time, but I grew up and realised that what they write, what the journalists tell us are all lies, you see the wars going on the UK initiated them they give money to all these countries for war, they never want to calm down and think of the consequences, and now four tragedies have happened in the UK in less than 4 months first Westminster, then Manchester, then London Bridge and now Grenfell tower block, these terrorist attacks are all triggered by our government, they created this war been Afghanistan and all of the rest, we constantly bomb them and they expect for these people not to do the same, if we left them alone then we wouldn’t be in so much turmoil, we bomb them they do the exact same back, it’s constant bickering and I’m fed up of it, there is meant to be grown adults controlling the laws and country and the continuously fuck us over, Grenfell was no accident it wasn’t set alight by a fridge, a fridge really? What a disgusting lie, the whole building was faulty from top to bottom the residents complained and the council only went and put cheap plastic round the building which is actually banned the UK, they had all that money and didn’t even use it to its full function, I’m livid! I hope that everyone involved in the dysfunction of that entire building is sent to the USA and given actual life sentences.

Just remember Conservative MP’s voted against proposed new rules requiring private sector landlords to ensure their properties are fit for human habitation.

For all the volunteers, supermarkets and everyone else that hustled together to help these people that just shows how strong we as people are, it was honestly the most loving thing I’ve ever seen, God bless each and every one of you.

To the people of Grenfell, my deepest condolences are with you, I can not imagine what you must be going through, we will find the missing and find out who is dead, stand strong because I’ve got you and so do millions of other people, we know the full truth and I for one am not scared to speak out for what’s wrong and right.

If I find my blog in any newspaper or any mainstream media without my permission I will sue, that’s not a threat that’s a promise.

Teeks X